What would be a week of all things good in comics without mention of Daredevil #181? For all the praise that issue get--and rightfully so--very seldom do you hear about Frank Miller's supplemental reading to his masterpiece, What If...? #35.
What If...? books are traditionally the home to stories where everyone gets killed and everything that went right goes wrong. For example, in one we learn if anyone other than Peter Parker had been bitten by the radioactive spider, they all would have died because they weren't smart enough to build Spidey's web shooters or because they never learned through Uncle Ben's death the lesson about great power and it's relationship to great responsibility. In another, when Uncle Ben doesn't die, Aunt May gets snuffed instead.
What made this issue different was that the original story had already been a downer. A significant character had already died. How could you top that? If Bullseye didn't kill Elektra, was she going get elected president and get American and her allies into a war with Iraq on false intelligence losing us the respect of pretty much every foreign nation?
Instead of following the traditional What If...? route, Miller decided to run a reverse.
And on that note, let me stress Miller decided to run a reverse. Frank Miller provided the script and the pencils, not Peter B. Gillis and George Tuska. Not Don Glut and Rick Hoberg. The Goddamned Frank Miller.
The first difference in this story is that the Watcher isn't speaking to us while narrating the tale from his observatory on the moon. Instead, the story begins with Matt Murdock alone, mourning at Elektra's grave when a stranger approaches. His face is hidden behind a fedora, darkness, and rain, but we still recognize the Watcher. Instead of telling us the story, though, he speaks to Matt.
Obviously, Matt's wondering things like what could have happened to save Elektra or whether he and Elektra ever could have been happy together and he gets his questions answered.
One benefit of having Miller pencilling this story is the art looks exactly the same as it did in #181, begining with an homage to Bullseye's fantasy about shooting Daredevil through the head with a rifle.
The story hinges on the moment in the original when a prison guard had Bullseye in his sights during the escape, but hesitated for half a second before pulling the trigger. That half-second made a huge difference, as Matt Murdock is about to learn.
As in #181, Elektra kidnaps Foggy, but decides not to kill him. The art for these two pages is lifted almost directly from the original issue, but now we reach another turning point from the original. When Kingpin learns Elektra has failed, he can't send Bullseye to kill her, so instead he sends about a two dozen goons to her safehouse, like lambs to the slaughter.
Elektra manages to take down the 20 or so thugs, but gets shot in the shoulder. Knowing Kingpin is out to get her and knew of her safehouse, she hides out at Matt's place. Matt has spent the night--having heardhis ex-girlfriend tried to kill his law partner--scouring the city trying to find Elektra and have her arrested. When he returns home to find her bleeding, he announces he's taking her in. She explains that Kingpin has put out a hit on her and if she goes to prison, she'll be killed there.
Three days later, Foggy gets concerned that he hasn't heard from Mattand goes to his brownstone to make sure he's okay. Instead, he meets a real estate agent and the place is empty. Meanwhile, Matt and Elektra have gone off to a tropical island paradise to live happily ever after.
Granted, it's sappy, but that sappiness is helping build up to the big finish. The Watcher pretty much admits Matt would be happy if only Elektra's lived, and keep in mind he's not telling the readers, he's saying it to a quiet man staring longingly at a headstone who hasn't said one word this whole time. "Yup, you're miserable, but you were thiiiiiiissss close to lifelong happiness." You're a cold muthafucka, Watcher.
He wraps it up by pointing out the silver lining that doesn't seem like much to Matt at the moment, but knowing Matt the way we do it has to be one of those truths he can't deny, much as he'd like to ignore it right now.
So the moral is: "You might have been happy, but you're not. Now get on with your life."
Truly one of the few What if...? stories that actually compliments its source material.
About halfway through Daredevil #79, something hit me like a Circle K 40-ounce mug full of ice water dumped over the top of the curtain during a hot shower. I had to stop, go back a few pages, and reread to make sure I hadn't deceived myself, but sure enough there it was.
A Bendis sighting. Issue 80 confirmed it.
Somehow, Brian Michael Bendis, the man who'd brought us some of Daredevil's greatest stories, the gritty and dark Alias, the complete reimagining of an icon in Ultimate Spider-Man, and the groundbreaking Powers, had overpowered the hack who's been soiling his good name by plastering it on every mediocre book churned out by the Marvel machine.
It got we wondering when the imposter had first began the ruination of a good man's reputation. What was the point where it all went south for Bendis? The answer was actually much easier than I'd guessed.
The fucking monkey issue of Powers.
And for those of you who didn't read it, I didn't say "fucking monkey issue" because I had a negative opinion of the monkeys--though I do--but rather because the entire issue is about apes having animalistic sex with each other.
The only possible explanation was that Bendis had been knocked over the head and tied him up in his own basement, kept only conscious enough to endorse the checks sent to him by Marvel. Fortunately, he'd already submitted several issues worth of Daredevil and Ultimate Spidey scripts to artists, allowing those books to remain high quality for months following the assault, preventing many readers from even noticing the change. Before long, though, the Doppel-Bendis to take the reins.
Soon, we had Jean Grey switching Wolverine and Spidey's brains into the others' bodies. Daredevil fought a infant-sized demon. Ultimate Spider-Man substituted new Ultimized characters for plot development. Powers moved to Marvel and Alias became the yawn-inducing Pulse. A secret war was waged over the course of nearly two years. Hawkeye got killed, Scarlet Witch gained the power to alter the entire universe, and the Avengers broke up. When they got back together, Luke Cage, Spider-Woman, Sentry, and Echo/Ronin stole the spotlight. All the world was turned on its ear as mutants became the ruling majority, and all the heroes could do about it was talk and talk and talk some more.
Oops, sorry about that. My... uh... finger slipped on the mouse.
As I was saying, as difficult as this time has been, there's light at the end of the tunnel. I have seen the coming of the Bendis and He shall rise up, rub salve on our wounds, comfort us in times of unrest, maketh us to lie down in green pastures, and smite our enemies!
Okay, I admit it wasn't a mistake that time. Look, all this monkey humpin' is going somewhere. Somewhere big. Somewhere grand. To a height no blog has ever reached before. You just have to trust me. And keep reading everything I write. If I charge you money to read what I write, you should pay whatever it costs to keep reading because, seriously, dude, if you don't everyone else is going to be talking about it and I'm going to win awards for it and you're going to be the only schmuck who didn't read it.
So you'll keep reading? Good because...
... now that I know this is all it's going to take to keep you enthralled, I don't have to put forth any more effort than this.
What simian ugly-bumping taught Bendis...'s evil twin was people would put up with garbage as long as his name was attached. Why take the time to craft a good four issue arc about Peter Parker when you can stretch it to nine issues by adding Ultimate Dreadknight, Ultimate Man-Thing (not to be confused with Giant-Sized Man-Thing), and Ultimate Karkas? Why write an Avengers book about the Avengers when you can fiddle around with fringe characters of the Marvel Universe and have Cap or Iron Man make an occassional cameo? Why continue expanding the character Jessica Jones, one of the most interesting original characters to hit Marvel in years, when you can just make her pregnant and whiny? Why concentrate on turning out four high quality books a month when you can crap out fifteen-plus, crossover all your characters from one to another, and plot and write every major event for the company?
More than anything, if readers keep buying every one of those abominations as they get pooped out, what reason is there to respect the readers?
The answer is simple.
See you next time, idiots! suckers! morons! True Believers!