I picked up Showcase Presents Superman Family Vol. 2, and am pleased to report its as insane as the first book. I'll be recapping some of the finer tales and reflecting on 1950's values, but first let's check the old Diversity Meter.
You'll be relieved (or horrified) to know there are still more people in Metropolis who look like Superman...
I've said it before, but it bears repeating.
In Metropolis, there are more people who look like Superman...
Robby told Jeremy Haun about Jimmy Olsen's viking picnic, which produced this kick-ass piece of artwork:
I promised some scans today, and I may get more up later, but since it's 1AM, I'm just going to put up the Jimmy Olsen themed ones for now.
First, I'd indicated I was thinking of getting a Tony Harris Viking Jimmy commission. I didn't get that, but Pia Guerra was sharing a table with Harris and took her shot at it.
Gregg Schigiel refused to draw a Gorilla Jimmy because "monkeys are played out. They were cool like five years ago." Instead, he branched out and became the first artist to go with my suggestion of creating a new stupid situation for Jimmy to fall into by creating Bunny Jimmy.
Ryan Otley, the awesome artist of the awesome Invincible took a crack at Gorilla Jimmy...
... and I achieved my number one goal of the trip:
Gorilla Jimmy by Art Adams!
Jason from Phoning It In pointed out that I got a shout out at the George Perez panel at the New York Comic-Con. Here's the excerpt from the Newsarama article:
Every day during the Con, Perez would draw one of those tickets. Whoever’s ticket got pulled would win a Perez sketch of any character he’d ever worked on. The only catch was the 'winner' would have to pay an additional $50. The money Perez generated would go to the charity HERO Initiative.
As it turned at, this didn’t stop fans from putting their money down. Perez reported one fan putting $60 for 61 tickets and was willing to put up the additional $50 on top of it. As it turned out, Perez has done this multiple times in the past. The most bizarre request was for Jimmy Olsen as a gorilla. The most common request was for Wonder Woman.
That's right! In a thirty year career of drawing comics, everything prior to this pales...
Off topic, I've already mentioned that Saturday was my son's birthday party. As long as I was firing up the scanner, I figured I'd share one of his gifts.
What makes this so special? Look closer for perhaps the grossest use for Play-Doh ever--and that's saying something considering 95% of what I make with the stuff either looks like a penis or a turd.
While not as gross, there is also a mold to help you make ticks and fleas that you can pick off the puppy.
Okay, enough jibber-jabber about off topic stuff (which seems to be the majority of what I've done [when I've done anything] for the last month or so), let's get back to that magical time in the 1950's when pregnant women were commonly prescribed heroin, their ensuing children needed something to read, and books like Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #36 filled that need.
In this landmark issue, DC introduced a new character, Lucy Lane, who served two purposes. On the surface, Lucy was a romantic interest--some would argue a beard--for Jimmy Olsen, but Lucy's secondary purpose seems to be making her crazy-ass sister seem perfectly normal in comparison.
In "Lois Lane's Sister!", Jimmy goes to pick up stewardess Lucy at the airport, falls immediately in love, and deftly combines desperation and stupidity for the next nine pages all the while ignoring every warning flag Lucy prominently displays to ward off any man who might even think about a long term relationship with her.
In an attempt to impress Lucy, instead of taking her immediately to the Daily Planet so she can be reunited with her sister, the only reason she's come to Metropolis, Jimmy takes her to the Superman Museum.
"Right, because hopping on a plane and being personally flown around by the world's greatest superhero are fairly comparable. So, tell me about the time you visited Dinosaur Island. Or when your plane flew fast enough to take you back in time to witness a great Revolutionary War battle. Come on, bitch, impress me."
Unfortunately, this isn't what Jimmy says. Instead, he keeps trying to show off for Lucy and win her love--because we all know true love is born of being impressed by your mate's name-dropping. He convinces Lois and Clark to go on a double date with Lucy and him, picking up the tab for everyone at a Superman-themed restaurant even if it means dropping an entire week's salary.
Afterward, Jimmy confides to Clark that he wants to marry Lucy... having known her for almost fourteen hours and all. Unfortunately, with his superhearing, Clark can eavesdrop on Lucy and Lois and knows Lucy isn't at all interested in Jimmy. She's going to be on a chartered flight full of rodeo stars and thinks maybe she'll be hook up with one of them.
Were stewardesses really such huge sluts back in the early days of aviation? I never understood why on shows in the 70's, like "Three's Company," it was always kind of understood when someone said, "I have a date... with a stewardess!" it was implied that was some kind of extra special bonus.
Anyway, Jimmy can't take a hint and sneaks aboard disguised as a cowboy.
Here's where Lucy really starts making it clear she's nothing but trouble and Jimmy makes it clear he is blinded by lust. First off, when the girl you want to marry doesn't recognize you just because you're wearing a hat, you can be pretty sure you haven't made as great an impression on her as she has on you regardless of how much money you spent on her Supersteak at dinner last night.
Secondly, when her reaction to a guy who "flirts" by tying her up with a lariat is:
... you should probably realize that girl's not the kind you take home to mom. Of course, Jimmy's an orphan--and borderline retarded--so he makes up a preposterous story about his great roping skills.
Again, Jimmy, if you can carry on a conversation about something as inane as your ability to stand on the back of a jetliner and lasso oil derricks with a girl you spent the previous evening with and she never says, "Wait a minute, you're the guy I agreed to go out with next Saturday," you probably should reconsider your plans to spend the rest of your life with her.
Perhaps she's just distracted by "Twirler" Thompson's idea to gain her back. Twirler inadvertently makes Jimmy look smarter by virtue of coming up with a stupider plan than Jimmy's, figuring somehow that making everyone think he accidentally fell out of the plane and died will make Lucy more likely to date him.
Luckily for Jimmy, Superman is flying alongside the plane and guides his lasso around the dummy, earning "Tex Bolton" a date with Lucy. Of course, Jimmy is planning to show up as himself instead, expecting to catch Lucy and take advantage of her desperation at being stood up by the billionaire and catch a pity date--which she'd already agreed to go on so Jimmy tricking her into not dumping him is really kind of a disappointing victory.
The next day, Jimmy realizes both that he has to get home and that Lucy is on a flight full of inventors heading to a convention. Fearful she might be swept off her feet and decide to stand up the billionaire oilman, Jimmy devises a plan to kill both birds with one stone, stowing away on the inventor flight and overshadowing any potential scientific suitors.
His fears prove well founded when "Genius" Jones puts a helmet on Lucy that spits out a picture of her as a queen, which makes her consider dating him on Saturday. Most people might think of posing as an inventor to sneak onto an inventor flight, but Jimmy opts for another route.
In a tin suit rented from a costume shop, Jimmy completely fools Lucy, which should again set off sirens in the cub reporter's head. Not only is Lucy not quite bright enough to realize this robot is a fake, she actually becomes completely enamored with it.
"Omigod! You eat food? We have so much in common. I want you inside me, robot." Wha-huh? You already have made dates with two guys and, instead of going out with a billionaire, you're considering dating a mechanical man based on the fact he doesn't drink oil?
Inventor "Genius" Jones nearly exposes Jimmy for a fraud, but Superman helps him out with a stage magician trick. Supes gives Jimmy a black hood to wear under the mask, then by turning off most of the lights on the plane "to protect his delicate mechanisms" and standing in front of a black wall, Jimmy is able to take off his head, "proving" he's a real robot.
Unfortunately, as soon as he fully convinces everyone he's not a guy in a robot suit, Jimmy's robot mask seals shut and he panics, suffocating. When "Genius" Jones busts him out of the suit, Jimmy admits he was Tex Bolton as well and was just trying to keep Lucy from dating anyone else.
Again, I'm not really sure why Jimmy is so excited that Lucy is agreeing to actually honor the date she already made with him. For that matter, what makes him think she's going to show up considering she'd already made plans to go out with him, three other guys, and a robot without ever telling him she was going to cancel? In the next five days, she could make three dozen more dates and he'd never know.
However, she does live up to her end of the bargain, going out with Jimmy on Saturday night, where he pops the big question... on their second date. Unfortunately, while Lucy implies she'd like to marry Jimmy--their knowing each other so well and everything--but promised she'd never marry before her sister, because apparently the Lane family has a strong Shakespearean influence.
So, Jimmy is left knowing the only way he can be with the girl of his dreams forever is to convince Superman to marry Lois.
By 1965, those who'd bet rock-n-roll music was just a noisy fad that would go away soon were realizing they would never collect on those bets. Instead, as happens with all edgy, daring, "dangerous" trends, rock became mainstream, was accepted by mass culture, and was emasculated to the degree of being considered harmless enough to be featured in a Jimmy Olsen comic.
In "The Swinging Superman," Jimmy Olsen goes to the airport to meet Lucy Lane, who may or may not be his girlfriend. He sure acts like she is in most of the comics I read, but Lucy never seems to feel any sense of commitment to Jimmy. I get the feeling somewhere along the line Lucy gave Jimmy some "let him down easy" kind of line like "With my hectic schedule, I really can't be with anyone right now," or "You're a really good friend, Jimmy, and I don't want to ruin that with sex." Jimmy interpreted whatever she said to mean, "I really want to be with you when I finally can so you should just wait and remain completely hung up me." The poor guy has spent the past few years picking her up every time her flights get in, chauffeuring her around when she's in town, and buying her dinner every chance he gets, hoping she'll finally come around to settling down with him, when in truth she's banging a different guy in every town and hangs out with Jimmy just so things won't be awkward for her sister back at the office.
In this case, Lucy doesn't even bother to hide her philandering ways. She's been on a plane with Rick Rock, rockstar, and when a rich, famous heartthrob offers to take you to dinner, you don't say, "Sorry, I'd love to but my sister's dumbass co-worker is waiting to pick me up and I have to pretend I don't loathe him."
Jimmy sees them together and gets mad, but the throng of Rick's teenage fans beats him mercilessly for saying anything bad about Rick Rock.
Having had his ass kicked by fifteen year old girls, Jimmy decides to beat Rick at his own game. Much like every other person in America does some time between fifth and tenth grade, Jimmy overestimates his limited musical training and declares he's going to start his own rock band! Furthermore, it will be the bestest band ever and then Lucy will totally be in love with him!
Luckily for Jimmy, Perry White's more than willing to make the debut of his copyboy's feeble attempt to woo a girl who's out of his league into a front page story on a major metropolitan newspaper and Superman is willing to come hang out, which always attracts a crowd.
Plenty of people show up, except the band's drummer who is inexplicably late. Fortunately, the photographer from Teen Tunes Magazine is a professional drummer who can shoot pictures of the band with one hand while drumming with the other.
The crowd actually enjoys their first song, prompting Superman, who simply can't stand to have the spotlight shine anywhere but on himself, to share a flashback to his childhood when the entire neighborhood danced uncontrollably to a song called the "Krypton Crawl." Unfortunately, the song a tactic by a strange sea monster who was luring them all to their deaths.
For some bizarre reason, this is a happy memory for Superman.
I guess the point is that Jor-El saved everyone his family, so Superman remembers it as a good thing. With his supermemory, he is able to write out every note of the music so the Carrot Top Cut-Ups can play it and if it becomes a hit they'll have to give all the credit to Superman because god forbid anything good should happen to anyone when Superman's around without his being able to take credit.
Sure enough, the song grabs ahold of Kal-El's super rump-shaker and won't let go, leading him on a march toward the sea at the head of a long conga line.
Of course, the traffic cop didn't have to stop traffic. Superman could have just plowed through the cars, mowing a path of destruction in his wake, as he does through a junkyard and some rocks that dare to stand between his supercabbagepatch and the docks.
This whole time, Jimmy could stop the insanity by just wrapping up the song, but, figuring it will be good publicity, he keeps playing, driving Superman to what should be a much more serious confrontation than it turns out to be.
And yet, somehow we won the Cold War any way.
Unfortunately, almost as though a bad writer were trying to foreshadow it, one of Superman's friends is not okay and is planning to commit sabotage! The drummer/photographer leaves his drum behind with a gas bomb--or something that makes even less sense--inside.
The explosion is a fake and is actually just Superman throwing red dust into the air. He's faked it so the spy of unnamed nationality (Soviet) will pay off the Tiger Beat photographer, whom the police can in turn arrest for treason.
The American shipping interests safe for another day, the only question left to answer is whether Lucy gave Rick Rock a blow job on his tour bus or if she waited until they were at his hotel, but she's not letting on, instead urging everyone not to bawl, but rather to do the Krypton Crawl.