It's exchanges like this that guarantee I'll never get my book on parenting ("You Were an Accident: A Bad Father's Guide to Parenting") published:

The kids are squealing in the living room.

Griffin: EEEEEeeeEEEeeeEEeeEEe! I'm telling!

They come running into my office.

Jake: Christ, you two, what did you do now?
Taryn: I was sitting on his face.
Jake: Why were you--
Griffin: She farted on my head!
Taryn: I was only pretending. I didn't really fart on him.
Jake: Yeah, well don't even pretend. That's not funny... well, actually it is kind of funny. But your mom probably would get mad about it so knock it off.